The Bob Collection

Underneath Gor-Ferris' Clock

One day, or night, during the month of many lights near the Porking Wall, Clacktip drew a portrait; a portrait so large that if it was, which it was, it certainly would be, quite unanimously indeed.
Whilst painting romantic scenes, Clacktip met a very, very normal person, nothing abnormal about him at all, except that behind him followed about two hundred completely hairless cats discussing the pros and cons of having a carrot as bait for fish catching.
A strange thing to do for a dieing species, you might imagine, but if you did imagine that, I should see a doctor straight aw…
We interrupt this (psst - no we don’t) …ay.
Anyway, Phillip, who liked eating strawberries looked up and saw an enormous.
These were flying grapefruits indigenous to the vicinity of the Porking Wall and had a permanent craving for strawberries.
This was rather unfortunate for Phillip, who looked up and screamed when he saw an oversized bluebottle fly hurtling towards him at high speed.
Phillip’s lucklessness was enhanced considerable by the fact that he is allergic to stawberries.
"Atchoo" he said quietly.

"Meanwhile, nearer the date." is a pretty good beginning of a paragraph, but here is a better one…

Kerrang! Thor’s nasal passages didn’t go "Kerrang", but it sounds as if they might.
(Okay, it wasn’t better).

Leaves are strange things, aren’t they?
They just hang there, leaf-like, like a leaf on a tree, a tree so large that it’s hugely, massive bigness was equal to the square root of Baranaland.

And so, back to the non-story.
Snurg, one of the hairless abominations pondered the meaning of… and then ceased when he was crushed by an extremely large mouse called Derek.
Shocked by this event, Derek stuttered, which was rather incredible, due to his lack of mouth.
Derek was getting rather upset by now and in a fit of rage, he imploded, leaving nothing but a speck of dust.
Gerald, implicitly implicit as always, spoke out of turn (only one before in his life had he spoken IN turn, and this was one second before his untimely death, in which he was manged by an african elephant, during feeding time, but that was not necessarily his own fault).
"Garbage eating qvarm beast breath," he said.
"Why you… you… ", he couldn’t think of anything to describe his unpleasant feelings, so he imploded as well.
Doctor Heinz Schnell of the University for Creating Balding Professors was passing at that time and, on seeing the implosion, continued to prove that the universe revolved around a particularly large and disgusting quarm beast.
Everytime the word "qvarm" was used in a detrimental manner…

God, this is so dull. I didn’t want to be a writer, you know! I wanted to be a greengrocer.
All those fruit and potatoes.
Of course, I’d have to learn to juggle on a uni-cycle…

 

This epic work is a masterpiece. It is a collaboration between several people, giving it an astounding depth of contrasts an textures, whilst remaining incomprehensible.

The saved file for this work, was later discovered to be a transcription of a hand written original. The handwritten original has been scanned for reference.

Download a copy(523kB - requires TIF viewer)